Being Authentic…Being Real

We have all heard it said, “You need to fake it till you make it.” But the real truth is we need to be authentic, we need to be real. There are many things we need in order to have the kind of relationships we desire. Being authentic is one of them. Deep relationships are not automatic. They are built. They don’t happen by accident. They are intentional. They take a lot of time, effort and energy. In all great relationships there are at least four things I have discovered you will find.

• Authenticity – the secret of being yourself.

• Vulnerability – the secret of sharing yourself.

• Credibility – the secret of getting people to trust you, being trustworthy.

• Compatibility – the secret of getting along and living in harmony.

So let’s look at the first one – authenticity. It all starts with you. Many of our relationship problems are not really relationship problems. They’re personal problems that spill over into relationships. Many of our relationship conflicts are really conflicts within ourselves. They’re internal battles. And God says if we want to have great relationships, we’ve got to start with some changes first within ourselves.

The Bible [Message] says in Romans 12:9, “Love from the center of who you are. Don’t fake it.” He’s talking here about authenticity. Love from what you’re really like inside. What is authenticity? It’s when what you see is what you get. It’s being real. It’s when you don’t play a role or wear a mask. You’re not a phony. You don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Your image and your character are exactly the same.

Why do we do this? Why do we all to often wear masks? One word: FEAR. Fear is behind all of our major relationship problems. All of them have at their root fear. And fear is as old as man. When God put Adam and Eve on the earth, they blew it and sinned. When they sinned, fear also entered the world. Adam says in Genesis 3, “I was afraid and so I hid.” And people have been hiding ever since. We hide from each other. We hide our faults, our feelings, and our failures.

We all to some degree have a problem with fear. Fear is anathema to good relationships. Fear is the destroyer of good relationships. If you’re ever going to build healthy relationships, you’re going to have to do business with three fundamental fears. All of these are enemies of great relationships.

As I stated, we inherited these from the first man Adam. We seem to master or perfect them on our own, and of all places, in church among Christians. This is where we ought to feel the most love and acceptance. We all have the basic need to be accepted, but we are not sure we will be if we don’t meet somebody’s self-righteous, self-imposed standards or expectations as to what a Christian is or does. We are told that we must not cause people to stumble. So we stumble over ourselves trying to keep others from stumbling over us. Usually it is other Christians we are trying to keep from stumbling over us rather than people who are not engaged in church or God. They seem to be looking for somebody who will love and accept them. What they often find is someone who has not fully loved and accepted themselves who are trying to help them. It is called the blind leading the blind.

So in the next few weeks we are going to deal with:

The Fear of Being Exposed.
The Fear of Being Rejected.
The Fear of Being Hurt.
We all are or have had to deal with these things. I hope you will share these with your friends because these are real issues that all people struggle with.

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About Ron

Better known as Son of a Preacher, Ron started the first Christian Fellowship Church in Harlingen, Texas in 1982 and presently serves as a counselor, consultant and apostolic overseer to multiple churches and ministries.

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